My brain: Would it help if I started calculating the maximum amount of sleep we can get every few minutes? If I Could Quit Thinking at Night, That’d be Great Tell Me Again How You’re a Sleep Expert? My face when people tell me to just close your eyes and sleep. Because if it was a good morning, I would still be in my bed and not talking to people. I always say morning instead of good morning. Listen, if I Could Sleep at Night I’d have a Good Morning I’d much rather sleep with you.ĩ p.m.: I think I’m going to go to bed early tonight. Wake up beautiful.ĭear 3 a.m., We HAVE to Stop Meeting Like Thisĭear 3 a.m., We have got to stop meeting this way. I Just Want to Go to Sleep and Wake up Beautiful… Like, that takes me 4 hours 600 position changes and a sacrifice to the sleep gods. I hate people who can go to sleep as soon as they close their eyes. When does hibernation start? Because I am 100% participating in that. You know what part I like about waking up early? None of it. I’m so excited! Said no one ever.ĭon’t EVEN Think About Waking Me Up Early My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.ĭear Insomnia, thanks for stopping by last night so I can be fully exhausted today. When your Bed is your Special Thinking Place… Nothing cures insomnia faster than the realization it’s time to get up. I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I just want to sleep like a husband. So go ahead and yuck it up and enjoy these hilarious insomnia one liners and let the melatonin flow through your brain! I Want to Sleep Like….a Husband Here’s my roundup of the funniest can’t sleep quotes and sayings only those of us who have lain awake at 3 a.m. (That important but elusive sleep hormone everyone needs to start the sleep process normally.) We laugh in the haggard face of insomnia, that’s what we do!Ī 2007 Japanese study of nursing mothers found that laughter actually causes the brain to produce more melatonin. Negative thoughts fan the flames of insomnia and make it worse, but being positive in the face of a sleep starved existence is pretty darn hard.
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